Uptight Mom Syndrome

I have taken care of other people's children more times than I can count.  I hated caring for the kid's with the uptight parents who (I thought) had no faith in my childcare skills.  Here we go, I would think to myself, as a mom would go over all the do's and don'ts for the period I'd be spending with her little one.  I would stress the whole time that I may leave something out of order or the munchkin would fall and hurt himself on my watch.  Well since becoming a mom I have now been given a whole new perspective on this type of relationship. I left Mia with strangers twice this weekend and you must imagine my surprise when my husband told me I was acting like the uptight parent.

Friday night we wanted to go to dinner with some friends and actually eat our meal instead of play pick up Mia's toys from from under the table the entire time.  Earlier that day one of the mom's in a playgroup told me about the drop in/mom's day out childcare facility she owns and I decided to give it a shot that night.  I walked in the facility and was greeted by the sweet lady whom answered my million questions over the phone previously.  She gave me the opportunity to walk around and check the place out.  Although it was bright and cheery all I could think about was that it smelled like diapers and the toys and cribs were used and abused (all I saw was germs).  I reminded myself that it was only an hour and we were eating right next door.  But, the uptight mommy in me still came out as I told the lady to lay down the blanket I brought before laying Mia down in the crib, that she likes to be held until falling asleep so laying her down would probably upset her, exactly how long to heat her bottle up, that I preferred her playing with the toys I packed in the bag since everything goes in her mouth (although the rules stated no personal toys), and more than once reminded the caretaker that we would be right nextdoor should anything come up.  Mia ended up being held the whole time, never fussed and seemed happy when we got her not over an hour later.  I don't know why I was amazed but I was!

This experience gave me such courage that Sunday instead of holding Mia during the church sermon I decided to take her to the nursery.  This we have tried a couple times and she usually cried until they came and got us.  So, feeling frisky (as Justin said) I brought her back to the childrens center to register her and once again had got my uptight mom on.  When I told the lady Mia's age she sent us to a room with babies all in car seats or cribs and I immediatly turned around and told the lady that although Mia is 7 months she is too big to sit in a car seat or crib for over an hour (she'd die of boredome) and she belongs in the room with the jumper-roo and exersaucers!  So, ever so kindley the lady allowed us to bring her to the other room.  Once there I found myself instructing the women on how she likes to play best "Oh good you have high chairs...she can sit in one and play with the toys I brought in her diaper bag".  I didn't see any dirty looks -had it not been church I'm sure I would have recieved a couple.  But, Mia was great.  I found myself waiting for the cue to go get her before the service ended and was again amazed she was just fine the whole time

At one point after leaving Mia I caught Justin smirking and I asked him if I was being uptight and he told me that I can get a little "snippy".  Oh no!  I never meant to be like that.  I had become one of those mom's, times ten!  After he said that I sat there thinking that I am a control freak when it comes to Mia.  I guess my being with her 24/7 has given me this my way or the highway mentality.  Oops!  I told Justin that from now on I would communicate through him since he does not come across as "snippy" and it will allow him to filter my excessiveness. 

Germs, Germs Go Away!

I am utterly heartbroken and at a loss of what to do.  My poor Mia is sick again!  I feel like screaming because this child just got over a bad flu last month and here we go again.  I thought I was doing everything right...I chose to keep her out of daycare, I keep an uber clean home, I wash and sanitize like a mad woman, I attempt to keep her from other sick children, and I breastfed for the first 4.5 months.

So maybe I have fallen short in some areas...maybe I should have fought harder to breastfeed her longer (although my milk upset her belly), maybe I shouldn't let her touch the shopping cart at the grocery store (even though I wiped it with sanitizer), or let the dogs kiss her face, or let her play with other kids toys since she puts everything in her mouth.  Maybe we shouldn't go to so many playdates were she has more chance of getting exposed to sick children.  Maybe I am just a loon for thinking I can bring my baby up in a germ free world.

But, here we are again with a burning hot baby and I am trying to figure out what to do.  It sucks that basically all I can give her is some fever reducer (that doesn't reduce too much) and consider another trip to the doc for their opinion which I am not leaning toward.  Last time we went to the doctor (incuring almost $500 in medical bills) we got to stand by and watch them torture her with a cathereter and take multiple blood samples as we were given the possibility of a spinal tap.  All said and done there was never a solution or a simple diagnosis after 2 days of visits and tests.  We were basically told to let it ride out; told all was well even to the point that her temperature reached a scorching 104.5.

I would do anything for her to feel better.  There is nothing worse than seeing our goofy, happy-go-lucky baby not laugh or smile but look miserable and feel like she has been baking in the oven.  And although I don't feel so hot myself I would triple my pain for her to be happy. 

I Will Love You Even if You Turn Into a Bear

Let me start by saying I AM AN IDIOT! I was getting ready to publish my blog when my phone rang (I am blogging on my iPhone) and I never saved so it erased everything. That's dumb of me because I didn't push save before answering but what makes me an IDIOT is this is the second time I have done this. Hence not much blogging in the past couple weeks cause I keep making it harder than necessary!

However since it is my goal to print my posts for Mia to look back on when she gets older I am determined not to let these mistakes deter me.

So today I have been a bit emotional. Maybe it's the big move we are making this weekend or my being under the weather but I cried this morning because I feel like crap and we have so much to do this week, I cried after talking to my best friend about her new baby and it made me realize how quick they grow, and I even cried after reading the girls a book before naps.

I think the book is called Momma Do You Love Me? (I am not going in the room to check and risk a wake up). It's about a conversation between a little girl and her mother in which the daughter comes up with all sorts of scenarios such as breaking something, running away, turning into a bear, etc. and asks her mom if she would love her still. The mom continues to respond that although she may be scared or angry she would still love her.

The little story is holds such strong meaning for me about the bond between mother and daughter. It took me becoming a mother myself to realize this unconditional deep deep love a mother has for her child. I know that there is not one thing in the world my Mia could ever do to make me stop loving her. I am not ignorant to the fact that she may make me angry or disappointed in the years to come but she is a part of me (the best part) and my love for her will never fade. I hope and pray that I am at least a good enough mother that she will never have to question my love for her. Because even if she turns into a bear I'll know my girl is in there somewhere and I will still love her!

I had Starbucks Today

So here's the part where my husband being a follower of my blog sucks.  So I just came out and said it in the title...I HAD STARBUCKS TODAY!  I was coming from a long day of the nanny-mom life and decided that I needed a cold Iced Caramel Machiatto and I just went for it. And ever since if finished my last sip (and decided to clear the evidence out of my car) I felt really guilty.  I have chosen to diminish a large chunk of our income by being a SAHM (new term I learned) and yet there I am sucking down a $4.50 drink.  Then I get a phone call from from the mom I nanny for and she was feeling guilty for getting pedicure (On her anniversary) and I was thinking what is wrong with her she works her butt off and there's is nothing wrong with that.  Yet, I was beating myself up for having Starbucks. 

On the other hand, I went to Micheals, put a pretty penny toward craft stuff for a project in Mia's room and was okay with that because it's for Mia; same with the zoo trip for the girls -not much guilt there.  Because these are things for the girls, not me.  But guess what?  We gotta do something for our selves every now and then or...can't think of any other way to say it...we will become bitches.  So I decided I would let it go because we deserve a little splurge every now and then, guilt free, the husbands will get over little things (not shopping sprees at the mall).  Will I go back to having a sweet, lovely, delicious, energizing, refreshing ICM every day?  No, but maybe I deserve to get one every week or so and maybe going and getting a pedi is well deserved to! 

Anywho, on the Mia front.  She had a great day at the zoo.  It is amazing how much she has grown in 7 months (tomorrow).  Last time we went to the zoo at 4 months she was oblivious to the animals and today she was giggling her little head off at the crazy monkeys.  She has also replaced her usual banter of "blah bla blah with ma ma ma" and Justin and I are beginning to think this little munchkin is a going to be a chatterbox.

BTW I have a feeling I will be getting a financial lashing following the publishing of this post.  Love you Babe!!