I've Created a Monster

Since day one our little princess has been cuddled up close at all times.  We have enjoyed having her warm that place in the middle of the bed.  Our evening ritual of bath time followed by reading a couple books and snuggling until Mia closes her eyes for the night has been nothing less than amazing.  It's especially sweet in the morning when she wakes up (only when we are ready) with her playful mood full of giggles and blabbering...she is our morning sunshine.

Naps have been a mixture of sleeping in the swing, maybe 30 minutes in the pac'n play and the good long ones when she is in the baby carrier attached to me or if I am next to her in any place (as long as she can feel me).  I have loved having her soft and warm body so close the past 8 months; as a SIDS phobic it's been a great way for me to rest assured she's breathing. 

Lately, however, I have started hearing comments such as, "You are just making it harder for yourselves to get her out of the bed later." and "You are never going to get that girl out of your bed", "You're creating a monster!" echoed over and over in my sleep deprived head. Until now these comments have went in one ear and out the other (along with many others) but appearently they are coming back to haunt me as a reality.  My little love bug refuses to sleep without me and the 19 lb squirmer is killing me!  The ergo carrier is great for trips to grocery or mall and I love our evening and morning cuddle time. But carrying her around the house to nap so I can can get some laundry and dishes done or being kicked and punched all night long is really beginning to take a toll on my sanity.

I have friends who have sworn by the cry it out method and I have attemped it only to be torchered by her blood curdling cries...I could only take 5 minutes before scooping her up and holding her in my arms (in our bed) until she cried herself to sleep.  It breaks my heart to know she is in her crib feeling abandoned and afraid and I am just letting her experience this so I can get a little more shut eye.  It makes me feel selfish and cold hearted, although I've never considered those who have used the method to be anything of the sort.  She has this great cozy room with a comfy crib we spent big bucks on for our little princess to sleep in and instead Mia (and sometimes me) just consider it a lonely place far away from a warm embrace. 

I know that if I would have started putting her in her crib from day one I would not be sitting here writing this now.  But the reality is that I have created the monster and I don't know what to do at this point.  It's as though I have to decide whether my happiness should trump hers and put her in the crib until she cries herself to sleep or have her kicking my ribs until she's in high school.  I said she would be in her crib at 3 months, and then 6 months, and again made the assertion that she would be in there by the time we moved...now that all have passed with her cozied up in our bed I am thinking at least by age 1!  Hopefully sooner.